Men's Guide for Picking Up Hot Women

[jack0177057]

Originally Posted by JayATee

While I'm sure you think you know all the women in the world somehow I doubt it. Some women don't like the whole idea of a striptease. There's nothing wrong with that.

You're right, there is nothing wrong with that... And there is nothing wrong with my personal preference for those that "indulge" my fantasies a little. (To borrow Fenriswolf's phrase.)

You love to debate,... don't you... A good passionate debate can be nearly as exciting as sex. I like you...

[Elvia]

^ We're not talking about your personal preferences, Jack. We're talking about a woman who's married to someone else, and her comfort level.

It sounds more and more like you can't separate between YOUR sexuality and others, and that deep down you don't see women as people in their own right, but sex dolls that are here only to satisfy men (or you). Somehow, I don't think your obsession with strippers has much to do with them being "strong, independent" women at all.

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Last edited by Elvia; 06-02-2009 at 03:41 PM..

[jack0177057]

Originally Posted by Elvia

Actually, that's not what he said. He said that first she just said no. She threatened to leave him when he continued to push the issue. If I had a partner who continually pushed me to do things I was uncomfortable with, I'd consider leaving him too.

So she can leave HIM, but he cannot leave HER? There is two ways of seeing this:
(1) He is a sick pervert and selfish bastard for asking her to degrade herself by acting like a whore, or
(2) As Fenriswolf observed - she is controlling and refuses to indulge her husband in an innocent little fantasy.

Either way you see it, they are not sexually compatible and should not be together... There are other men for her, who will not ask her to degrade herself... And there are other women for him, who will indulge him in his fantasy...

[Elvia]

You don't see a problem with ending a marriage over one unfulfilled fantasy?

And no, the problem is not that he asked- the problem is that he continued to push for it after she made it clear she wasn't comfortable. A difference you seem to be incapable of understanding no matter how many times it's spelled out for you.

You can only see this in extremes? I don't think either one is as bad as you paint it. C himself has made it clear he's not interested in divorcing her over this. And rightly so. If everyone dumped their partner every time they couldn't have sex exactly on their own terms, you'd have the whole world getting divorced. Not getting your way over every little thing does not equal being completely incompatible. But it would to a narsicist.

[jack0177057]

Originally Posted by Elvia

It sounds more and more like you can't separate between YOUR sexuality and others, and that deep down you don't see women as people in their own right, but sex dolls that are here only to satisfy men (or you). Somehow, I don't think you're obsession with strippers has much to do with them being "strong, independent" women at all.

That's not true at all. This discussion is about indulging fantasies and I have said many times over that I love to indulge my lover's fantasies as much as I like my own fantasies indulged.

Sensuality is a really big part of my life... Not just because I like to be indulged, but also because I love to indulge my lover... I could give you a list of books and DVD's that I HAVE READ or WATCHED that concern female sexuality... For example, I've bought DVDs from Sinclair Institute that are very educational about pleasuring a women with sensual touching, kissing, massages, etc. I've read She Comes First by Ian Kerner, etc.

I have NEVER been a "bam-slam-thank-you-ma'am" kind of guy... I am commited to the sensual pampering and sexual satisfaction of my romantic partner. However, I also need sexual pampering and indulgence in return. This need is a central part of my human existence.

[jack0177057]

Originally Posted by Elvia

You don't see a problem with ending a marriage over one unfulfilled fantasy?

Did you read what I wrote before?

Originally Posted by jack0177057

I ABSOLUTELY agree with you on this -- counceling, and talking, and finding out how they both can become sexualy satisfied. If I sounded flippant about walking away from the marriage, I apologize, that's not what I meant... Every effort should be made to find some way that "both can become sexualy satisfied". I call this, "sexual compatibility".
Find out why she is sexually uptight... Was she molested as a child? Was she raised believing that carnal passions will cause her to burn in hell? Understand her mental framework and how it was constructed. There may be painful memories or trauma associated with her sexuality. If so, psychological counseling is probably necessary, but be careful how you bring this up -- be extremely delicate with this issue.
Start out with what she feels comfortable and slowly and patiently, get her to relax and shed HER inhibitions. I am not saying "force" her to do anything,... what I am saying is - help HER to feel comfortable with HER OWN sexuality.
Compliment her profusely when she does something new that SHE find pleasure in. Don't focus on what she DOESN'T DO. Instead, focus on what she does do.

Also, the problem is not just "one unfulfilled fantasy":

Originally Posted by Cyril

There is a disconnect on how we both approach sex.

Originally Posted by Cyril

I have been married for seven years now. I do not remember exactly when things started going bad but I do remember first few years were very good. Life presented us with numerous trials and we overcame them together. Writing this post feels like a trip down the memory lane. I can remember us enjoying simple things. Things like wine tasting, restaurants, movies and watching TV. Sex was there but it gradually decreased. I think I also share some blame. We both suffer from depression. When I am out of town, she indulges in gambling. I drink to overcome my depression. She says I do not love her. But I do. It is a fact.
In her opinion, I have allowed external things like sex to come between us. And I feel guilty that my dark desire has ruined our bond. I think she is right. There is more to marriage than just sex.

Sex has become "just sex" to her... like doing the laundry or washing dishes... But to him, the need for sexual touch, pampering and indulgence is very significant... The rejection, frustration and depression is not just going to go away because you tell him he is a selfish and narcissistic bastard.

[Earl_the_Pearl]

Originally Posted by Elvia

What H said was that no woman should be *expected* to. If she wants to, that's another story. But it shouldn't be an expectation within a relationship.

This is what he said.

Strippers cater to a male fantasy which no woman should be expected to act out for her partner, although she might really like to.

I read it as even if the women wants to play stripper she should not. Perhaps the OP will clarify.

As for exceptions in a relationship there should be none. Even if there are vows made before god they are not worth the paper they are printed on.

When it comes to man women relationships it is better to avoid legally entangling alliances with expectations. I expect nothing in a relationship and so should the other party.

[JayATee]

Originally Posted by jack0177057

Did you read what I wrote before?



Also, the problem is not just "one unfulfilled fantasy":





Sex has become "just sex" to her... like doing the laundry or washing dishes... But to him, the need for sexual touch, pampering and indulgence is very significant... The rejection, frustration and depression is not just going to go away because you tell him he is a selfish and narcissistic bastard.

Where do you get this crap? Do you personally know her? Them? Their relationship? How they are together? How are you in any position to make these comments? He has said there is a sexual disconnect on BOTH sides.

[commanderadama]

Originally Posted by Earl_the_Pearl

When it comes to man women relationships it is better to avoid legally entangling alliances with expectations. I expect nothing in a relationship and so should the other party.

Hmmm Sounds like you agree with my hypothesis that the only good relationship with a woman is a short one...

The Jackster is all over the map. He starts this epic thread on tips to picking up "hot women" then tells us his wife was hot (I assume she was not) They were great, then they weren't. Now he doesn't remember how he picked up his hot wife. In another thread he says he's got a big house with a pool, throws a party and hot girls appear.

The formula is quite simple, figure out which type of girl you want, go to where that type hangs out, have money. A flashy car will get you lots of attention, exotic sports cars work well. If your from a small city a new Corvette will do, small town, new Mustang, big city you're gonna need a Porsche or better. I'm from a small city, my car's been hit on at the gas station, while BF is filling up his POS next to me, it's sad.

[Hopper]

Originally Posted by jack0177057

Dude, you are so chauvinistic and antiquated it's not even funny. You hold the same views my great-grandfather did:. "Marry a prude virgin to be the mother of your children, but go to whores for sex and pleasure."

You perpetuate the slut v. virgin myth. You want a "virgin" for a wife, but you think only a "slut" can fulfill your sexual fantasies.

Every woman (and every man) is part "virgin" and part "slut", I don't understand why you think a wife could not fulfill her husband's fantasies! What is so hard or degrading about erotic dancing? My ex-wife fulfilled ALL my sexual fantasies (within the bounds of a monagomous relationship), and she was an actual "pure and immaculate" virgin when we first met. She taught me how to fulfill her sexual fantasies and I taught her how to fulfill mine. In fact, every girlfriend I've had has fulfilled my fantasies and I have also indulged theirs.

It's just like Fenriswolf said, "Both partners are entitled to ask to be indulged in sexual fantasies, and both partners are entitled to be too uncomfortable to do it. You can compromise, or you can let the relationship go."

Jack, you should be tied to a chair and made to listen to recordings of yourself talking for three days. I corrected you in the post you quoted from and you misinterpretted it the same way a second time.

I did not say that a man should get no sexual stimulation from his wife and get it from prostitutes instead. I don't even know how men can get pleasing sex from prostitutes unless they are highly-paid ones. Even then there is no real intimacy, which is the thing you are always playing down here. You are like a horny teenager. I'd say your wife simply outgrew you.

A wife is not a slut - not even partly. A slut has sex with whoever she pleases. If your wife is having sex with you, it's not casual sex and she's not being a slut, regardlesss of how you do it.

The point I was making about male fantasies is that women don't naturally behave in a way that caters to every male desire. That is why strip clubs are successful. Have you ever been anywhere else where women walk about in lingerie and dance and strip on stage and where you can pick any woman you want for a private dance? Do women behave in real life the way you fantasise them behaving?

I'm not saying that erotic dancing is necessarily degrading. However, certain women are naturally not comfortable with it. Some may think it's whorish, some may just not think they can do it well. Maybe it's just not their personality. That is what you quoted Fenriswolf as saying - they are entitled.

All I was saying was that if you want a good strip-tease, and your wife won't do it, go to s strip club. Your wife can stimulate you in ways a stripper or prostitute never could. Be happy with that. The kinky stuff isn't all-important, not even mainly important, and is no reason not to be married to a woman who fulfills you in more important ways.

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Last edited by Hopper; 06-03-2009 at 02:44 AM..

[Hopper]

Originally Posted by Earl_the_Pearl

That statement is very telling. So even is a women wants to act like a stripper with her partner she should not? What if she is a stripper; should she play the role of a fringed genophobe?

My point was (I realise I worded it a little wrongly) that women don't behave in the ways men would like them to in a fantasy world. You've seen those types of TV advertisements where a guy drinks a brand of soft drink or beer, or drives a certain car, uses a brand of aftershave etc, and suddenly eight hot girls appear from nowhere and start flirting, dancing and stripping in public just for him and he takes them all home at the same time.

Yeah, that never happens. Even wives don't do it (you can't even have more than one wife). But if they are willing and able to act their SOs fantasies out for them, lucky SOs.

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Last edited by Hopper; 06-03-2009 at 02:47 AM..

[Hopper]

Originally Posted by jack0177057

...

Sensuality is a really big part of my life... Not just because I like to be indulged, but also because I love to indulge my lover... I could give you a list of books and DVD's that I HAVE READ or WATCHED that concern female sexuality... For example, I've bought DVDs from Sinclair Institute that are very educational about pleasuring a women with sensual touching, kissing, massages, etc. I've read She Comes First by Ian Kerner, etc.

I have NEVER been a "bam-slam-thank-you-ma'am" kind of guy... I am commited to the sensual pampering and sexual satisfaction of my romantic partner. However, I also need sexual pampering and indulgence in return. This need is a central part of my human existence.

But it's still about physical satisfaction for you. You sound like a mechanic. All you are doing is saying that you will do it for her if she does it for you, on a purely phyxical level. You don't seem to feel anything for your SOs, in the bedroom or out.

I suspect that this may be Cyril's wife's complaint about his "dark desires", which I'm guessing are the kinky sex fantasies he mentionned earlier. I get the impression it's not that his wife is treating sex as "just sex", but that she is complaining that Cyril is fixating on sex as a kinky physical experience to the exclusion of other things which would indirectly make sex more meaningful for a couple.

Sorry if I am speculating too much, Cyril, I'm just responding to other people's speculations.

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Last edited by Hopper; 06-03-2009 at 02:48 AM..

[Jezzebelle]

"Originally Posted by jack0177057
...

Sensuality is a really big part of my life... Not just because I like to be indulged, but also because I love to indulge my lover... I could give you a list of books and DVD's that I HAVE READ or WATCHED that concern female sexuality... For example, I've bought DVDs from Sinclair Institute that are very educational about pleasuring a women with sensual touching, kissing, massages, etc. I've read She Comes First by Ian Kerner, etc.

I have NEVER been a "bam-slam-thank-you-ma'am" kind of guy... I am commited to the sensual pampering and sexual satisfaction of my romantic partner. However, I also need sexual pampering and indulgence in return. This need is a central part of my human existence."

Eughw! I hate it when men talk like that, makes me wanna vomit.
`Pleasuring a woman`? `Indulge` ? Eughw *shudders*

[Earl_the_Pearl]

Originally Posted by commanderadama

A flashy car will get you lots of attention, exotic sports cars work well. If your from a small city a new Corvette will do, small town, new Mustang, big city you're gonna need a Porsche or better.

In some circles just having a car will do.

[Jezzebelle]

^^^
*sniggers*

[CFMNH44]

Originally Posted by Earl_the_Pearl

In some circles just having a car will do.

Hey! I got a car! Several... (In voice from the commercial for the car refinance company where the carless dude is hitting on the lady gassing her car...)

"C - student of women

[Earl_the_Pearl]

Originally Posted by CFMNH44

Hey! I got a car!

It was the old Pets dot Com sock puppet in his new job selling car loans that said that line.

[Fenriswolf]

Originally Posted by Cyril

In her opinion, I have allowed external things like sex to come between us. And I feel guilty that my dark desire has ruined our bond. I think she is right. There is more to marriage than just sex.

Cyril, desire is not "dark". Sex is not bad. And guilt is not healthy. If you are constantly pressuring her to do things she's not comfortable with, you are behaving in a manipulative and abusive manner. If she is belittling you whenever you express interest in sex at all, she is behaving in an abusive manner.

I am in a relationship with someone with very different sexual tastes from me. It is frustrating, but I do not have the right to push my kinks on him. Ultimately though, it might be a barrier that ends our relationship (we have been together 6 years). I hope not, and I will do everything I can to keep us together because I love and adore him, and he is sexy and great in bed. But as it stands, either I live with him being vanilla, I manage to find a way of working in Ds power play without intimidating him, or I leave him. This is not an issue with either of us - it is a reality you have to examine and deal with.

No one is a bad person for their sexual preference, you just need to be honest with yourself and each other, and not use sex for power.

Originally Posted by jack0177057

In my experience, women don't get offended if their BF or husband buys them sexy lingerie or threaten to leave their husband merely because he asked her to give him a strip-tease.

This is a very harsh response to a very mild request.

I have to agree that asking if she's been sexually abused, or rather leaping to that conclusion, is way off base. Sexual abuse can have many effects on a person's sexuality, but having it implied that your sexuality is wrong because of what was inflicted upon you is just not OK.

We don't know how he approached her. He may have pushed and pushed until she got irritated with him. Or it may be that she uses the threat of taking away her love to control him. The fact he said he is depressed without her around makes me wonder about the latter but we can't know.

Some people just like cuddling and vanilla sex. And that's great! They're even entitled to be disgusted by the idea of stripping (personally, not for other people). It's more the judgement and control of your partner's desires that worries me.

[jack0177057]

Originally Posted by commanderadama

tells us his wife was hot (I assume she was not)

What, you want me to prove it to you with pictures? I would, but you sound like a jerkoff, so I'm not going to give you a pic for you to jerk off to.

Originally Posted by commanderadama

Now he doesn't remember how he picked up his hot wife.

You must be dyslexic, I explained in detail how I picked her up.

Originally Posted by commanderadama

In another thread he says he's got a big house with a pool, throws a party and hot girls appear.

Yes, try it. It's by far the easiest way to meet women... They literally come to you. What is so hard to understand about that?

Originally Posted by commanderadama

The formula is quite simple, figure out which type of girl you want, go to where that type hangs out, have money. A flashy car will get you lots of attention, exotic sports cars work well. If your from a small city a new Corvette will do, small town, new Mustang, big city you're gonna need a Porsche or better. I'm from a small city, my car's been hit on at the gas station, while BF is filling up his POS next to me, it's sad.

I like my pool party idea better, I don't even have to drive or leave my house... You sound like one of those guys that gets all guido-d up, showers himself with cologne and drives around for hours (or sits for hours at the gas station) hoping a hot girl will spot you driving your car and be impressed...

[jack0177057]

Originally Posted by Fenriswolf

Cyril, desire is not "dark". Sex is not bad. And guilt is not healthy. If you are constantly pressuring her to do things she's not comfortable with, you are behaving in a manipulative and abusive manner. If she is belittling you whenever you express interest in sex at all, she is behaving in an abusive manner.

Yes, exactly... I thought the era of sexual guilt, shame and repression was over, but apparently it's not... Thank you, Fenriswolf...

Originally Posted by Fenriswolf

I am in a relationship with someone with very different sexual tastes from me. It is frustrating, but I do not have the right to push my kinks on him. Ultimately though, it might be a barrier that ends our relationship (we have been together 6 years). I hope not, and I will do everything I can to keep us together because I love and adore him, and he is sexy and great in bed. But as it stands, either I live with him being vanilla, I manage to find a way of working in Ds power play without intimidating him, or I leave him. This is not an issue with either of us - it is a reality you have to examine and deal with.

I'm sorry about your situation... I hope you guys figure out a compromise that works out...

My point throughout this discussion has been that: (A) sexual compatibility is ESSENTIAL in a romantic relationship... and (B) if sexual incompatibility is FORCING YOU TO CHOOSE between terminating the relationship or going outside the marriage for sexual satisfaction, the most noble and honorable of these two choices is to terminate the relationship.

I have learned a few important things from this thread:

First of all, people have varying sex drives. Mine is very high. I am not going to apologize to anyone about that, and I cannot change it, even if I wanted to. Therefore, my romantic partner MUST have a sex drive that can match mine.

Second of all, sex means different things to different people. To some, sex is "just sex" - a mechanical thing couples do until semen shoots out of the penis. To me, sex is an expression of love, fantasy and creativity. I like to spend a long time with foreplay and afterplay. I like to pamper and be pampered. Therefore, my romantic partner MUST have a similar approach to sex.

Third, different people have different levels of sexual fantasies, fetishes and "kinks", I would call myself "mildly kinky" and open-minded.... But, I've met women that are WAY kinkier than me. It is ABSOLUTELY WRONG to judge people for their sexual preferences or what they consider to be erotic, as long as it involves CONSENTING ADULTS. Sexual compatibility is the most important in this respect, so that neither person feels pressure to do something they find repulsive -- or -- shame for wanting (and needing) what the other person regards as "dark" and perverted. I CANNOT be with a lover that finds my sexual fantasies and kinks repulsive, because this incompatibility will lead to mutual frustration and dissatisfaction.

My persecutors make me out like I want a sex slave for a lover or wife...
Not at all,... I want a SEX GODDESS to worship!

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Last edited by jack0177057; 06-04-2009 at 08:54 AM..

[commanderadama]

Originally Posted by jack0177057

What, you want me to prove it to you with pictures? I would, but you sound like a jerkoff, so I'm not going to give you a pic for you to jerk off to.

I can guarantee that I will think she's hideous. I wasn't saying I'd find her hot, I was saying that the people on the board wouldn't find her hot so post a nice clothed picture of her, hell block out the face if you want.

Originally Posted by jack0177057

Yes, try it. It's by far the easiest way to meet women... They literally come to you. What is so hard to understand about that?

This seems implausible. Having a pool is not a novelty, or perhaps they are in the fly over states? Where I live every other house has one, so a girls response here would be "so"? LOL. Gotta have a boat here sparky.

Originally Posted by jack0177057

I like my pool party idea better, I don't even have to drive or leave my house... You sound like one of those guys that gets all guido-d up, showers himself with cologne and drives around for hours (or sits for hours at the gas station) hoping a hot girl will spot you driving your car and be impressed...

Pool party? Then why did you start this thread studly?

On me? You're Not even close. My type of girl and your type of girl are probably polar opposites as we hang in different sets.

I go to Hed Kandi parties, mixed clubs (know what that means? haha, it's where the hottest my type girls are...) and upscale clubs which are usually mixed too. But I also "slum it", and feel comfortable with blue collar folks and I prefer women from that class. They just have a hard time dealing with my world as I don't do and am not interested in anything middle class. I have a library, I hate malls, Disneyland, Las Vegas and Hawaii. I won't eat at chains or buffets and my Favorite Vacation spots are Montreal, Nice, Monte Carlo, San Francisco & NYC. Do you even have a passport Jack?

I peg you as middle class all the way, no library, probably a subscription to Maxim or Playboy, favorite restaurant is some boring chain, you drive a import sedan (most likely Japanese) Three bedroom ranch plain Jane house with an above ground pool (middle class staple) Favorite Vacation spot, something "all inclusive" (a huge tell that you're 100% middle class) like a cruise or a resort. How'd I do? LOL

I'd say end thread jack now, but this whole thread is a huge Jack.

[A_Guy]

personal attacks aside, this whole thread is a colossal waste of time.

The original intent of the thread was questionable at best, but now it's a complete joke.

One vote to close this down

[commanderadama]

Originally Posted by A_Guy

personal attacks aside, this whole thread is a colossal waste of time.

The original intent of the thread was questionable at best, but now it's a complete joke.

One vote to close this down

Where are the personal attacks?

[FBR]

Thank you all for your participation.

FBR